someone get that fucking seahorse.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
