I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
