Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
