Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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