Your dad touched me again.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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