Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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