I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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