He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
