OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
