He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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