My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
