I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize