distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
