All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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