is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
