found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
