I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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