pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
