garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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