I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
