Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
