Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
