Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize