he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
