ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
