You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
