Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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