I heard we made out
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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