Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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