Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
