please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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