Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
