He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
