he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
