This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
