Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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