Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
