I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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