It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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