it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
