I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
