i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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