Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it was like eating out sand paper
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What changed your mind?
Being sober
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
