I got chris browned last night
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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