DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
smell my finger.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
