i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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