If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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