There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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