just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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