They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
