We named our party play list daddy issues
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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