I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
