This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
