So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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