How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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