I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I want a musical about memes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Your penis caused this!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
