Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
