i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
