Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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