mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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