I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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